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I had seventy-two hours to decide if I was going to bleed for strangers.
The contract sat on our kitchen counter like a corpse. Black envelope. Embossed logo. The kind of paper that cost more than our rent. I'd shoved it there last night after the collectors left, and now it was morning and Lina was awake and I still didn't know what I was going to tell her.
She came out of the bedroom rubbing her eyes. Ten years old and already too good at reading my face.
"They gone?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"For good?"
I should've said yes. Should've lied clean. Instead I just turned back to the stove and flipped the eggs. They were cheap synchem ones. Tasted like wet cardboard but they filled you up.
"Mara."
"They're gone," I said. "Eat."
She didn't move. I could feel her staring at the back of my head. She had Mom's stare. The kind that peeled you open whether you wanted it or not.
"What's that?" She pointed at the envelope.
"Work thing."
"You don't get work things in fancy envelopes."
"I do now." I slid the eggs onto two plates and brought them to the table. "Eat before it gets cold."
She sat. Picked up her fork. Didn't eat.
"What kind of work?"
I should've practiced this. Should've figured out the right words last night instead of sitting in the dark with Nox pooling around my feet like spilled ink. But I hadn't. So now I had to do it raw.
"Courier gig," I said. "Big one. Out of town for a while."
"How long?"
"Couple months. Maybe more."
Her fork clattered onto the plate. "You're leaving?"
"It pays enough to clear us for a year. Maybe two." I made myself look at her. "You'll stay with Mrs. Kao downstairs. I already asked. She said yes."
"I don't want to stay with Mrs. Kao. I want to stay with you."
"Lina—"
"You said we stick together." Her voice cracked. "You said that after Mom. You said we don't split up."
My throat tried to close. I shoved a forkful of egg into my mouth so I wouldn't have to answer right away. Chewed. Swallowed. It tasted like nothing.
"This is how we stick together," I said. "I go. I work. I come back and we're clear. No more collectors. No more sleeping with the door braced."
"What if you don't come back?"
There it was. The question I'd been choking on since last night.
"I'm coming back."
"You don't know that."
"I know I'm good at not dying." I tried to smile. It felt like cracking plaster. "I've made it this long, haven't I?"
She looked down at her plate. Her hair fell forward, same black mess as mine. Same stubborn line to her jaw.
"When do you leave?" she asked quietly.
"Three days."
She nodded. Picked up her fork again. This time she ate.
I wanted to reach across the table. Wanted to tell her the truth. That I wasn't running courier routes. That I was signing into an underground fight season where bonded pairs beat each other bloody for streaming cash. That the collectors hadn't left her alone out of kindness. They'd left her alone because they were betting I'd break first.
But if I told her that, she'd try to stop me. And if I didn't go, they'd come back. And next time they wouldn't hand me a contract.
So I ate my fake eggs and I lied to my sister and I pretended my shadow wasn't creeping up the wall behind me like it was trying to get my attention.
—
After Lina left for school, I pulled everything I had.
Four months of courier fees. Two pawned data chips. The emergency cash I'd been hiding inside the broken vent. It came out to eight hundred and forty credits. Enough for Mrs. Kao and food and keeping the lights on while I was gone.
I counted it three times. My hands shook on the last count.
Nox slid up beside me, pooling in the shape of a dog. It didn't have a real form. Not like the familiars you saw on the streams, all sleek fur and glowing eyes. Nox was just darkness that moved wrong. Shadows that didn't match the light.
Illegal as hell. And mine.
"Stop looking at me like that," I muttered.
It tilted its non-head.
"I'm going. That's it. Decision's made."
It didn't move. Didn't flicker. Just sat there judging me with a face it didn't have.
I shoved the cash into three envelopes. One for Mrs. Kao. One for Lina's school fees. One for Lina herself, in case I didn't—
I sealed that one fast.
—
Lina came home at four. I had dinner ready. Real protein this time, the kind that cost extra. She looked at it and then at me and she knew.
"You're leaving tomorrow," she said.
"Yeah."
She sat. We ate. Neither of us said anything.
Afterward, I gave her the envelopes.
"This one's for Mrs. Kao. This one's for your lunch account. This one's yours. Don't spend it all in one place."
She took them. Her hands were small. Too small.
"Mara—"
"I'm coming back," I said again. Firmer this time. Like saying it harder would make it true. "Two months. Three at most. And when I do, we're clear. No more debt. No more looking over our shoulders."
She looked up at me. Her eyes were wet.
"Promise?"
I shouldn't have. Promises were for people who had control over their lives. But she was ten and scared and I was the only thing standing between her and the collectors.
"Promise," I said.
She crashed into me. Arms around my ribs. Face pressed into my shirt. I held her and I felt something crack open in my chest that I couldn't afford to let break.
—
I waited until she was asleep.
Then I went into the stairwell and I let it break.
I made it down two flights before my legs quit. Sat on the steps with my back against the wall and my hands over my mouth so I wouldn't make noise. The sobs came anyway. Ugly and silent and full of every lie I'd just told.
Nox pooled beside me. Climbed into my lap like it had weight. It didn't, but I felt it anyway.
"I don't know how to do this," I whispered.
It pressed closer.
"What if I can't win? What if I'm not strong enough?"
It didn't answer. Familiars didn't talk. Everyone knew that. They bonded, they fought, they died with you if it came to that. But they didn't talk.
I wiped my face. Stood up. My legs felt like water but they held.
"Okay," I said to no one. "Okay."
I went back upstairs. Pulled the contract out of the envelope. It was three pages of legal text that boiled down to one thing: I fight, I win, I earn. I lose, I bleed. I quit, Lina pays.
There was a blood-lock at the bottom. The kind that bound you to your word.
I pulled out the pin. Pressed it to my thumb. Let it drink.
The contract flared red. Then gold. Then it soaked into my skin like ink into paper and I felt it lock into place somewhere under my ribs.
Done.
I waited for relief. For certainty. For anything.
What I got was Nox going rigid beside me.
"What?" I looked down.
It was staring at me. Or the place where its eyes should've been was pointed at me. And then it opened a mouth it didn't have.
And it spoke.
"Don't go, Mara."
The voice wasn't mine.
It wasn't Lina's.
It was Mom's.